When Tim Lake caught a woman on video stealing an Amazon package left on his doorstep, he did what any theft victim would do, he notified the police. But it turns out, Lake isn’t the type of person to just sit around and wait for justice to run its course.

The Arizona resident decided to take matters in his own hands by printing out “Wanted” posters that read, “Have You Seen This Woman?,” accompanied by screen shots of the “Un-American” culprit stealing his stuff.

During a hilarious interview with CBS5, Lake described the woman as having a “shameful and super awkward running style” and “vacant eyes.” She also apparently resembles Dog The Bounty Hunter.

While the box only contained K-cups and an ice cube tray — which he could have totally made cocktails with! — , he’s all about avenging his package (pause). “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. But I will look for you, I will find you and I will convict you,” Lake said in his own tacky version of Liam Neeson in Taken.

If you see this woman, Tim Lake would like you to email his Aol account, because in 2013 people still have Aol accounts… Watch Lake get teary-eyed over square ice cube trays below.