Being single has its advantages. As a single person you go through way less toiletries, you save money on groceries and you don’t have to compete for TV time.

Advantages after that? Yikes. Married people and other types of relationally-abled people will try to tell you that “You’ll find the right one!” and that, “You’re fine! Someone will see what I see in you.”

But none of that matters.

If you enjoy being single, then these words are useless to you. But for those of you that don’t, this is for you. Go grab a glass of wine or a bottle of beer and have a good laugh. At yourself. Loser.