Lets have a moment of silence for all the brain cells I lost last night.

When the elder, outspoken members of my sorority created petitions to ban the new VH1 series Sorority Sisters in the Summer, I’ll admit I didn’t pay much attention. I’ve always had a low tolerance for neck rolls, unnecessary lip smacks and imaginary fly snatching in general, so I didn’t plan on contributing to this show’s viewer ratings. I failed to comprehend why VH1 would bother putting money into yet ANOTHER one-dimensional ghetto melodrama- how many versions of Love & Flip Flops do we need? Of course, I underestimated VH1′s insatiable thirst for depicting what they believe black women do best-beat each other down, pull each others weaves out, and discourage one another’s success. Despite my annoyance, I completed my journalistic duty and forced my short attention span to focus.

I won’t bore you (or myself) with an in-depth rehash of what happened last night. Just imagine lining up Bad Girls Club, Love & Hip Hop, & Basketball Wives and throwing Greek letters on them. There were vague references to what I recognized as true sisterhood, such as when Delta Sigma Theta member Lydia Mitchell stayed with a soror in the midst of financial crisis, but…that’s it. The definition of sisterhood became a bit murky after a Delta from Arkansas had to get her split ends cut to avoid judgment from her sisters, and Priyanka and Adrene having to remind each other that real Delta sisters don’t argue in public, after arguing in public…on national television. The show seemed intent on focusing on other displays of chickenheadism “sisterhood”, like banding together to ruin a “rival” Divine Nine Member’s livelihood whilst threatening to drag her when she talked too slick…*sigh*. 

Although my primary emotion was severe boredom, I must address the offense. Prior to joining my sorority, my introduction to the Divine Nine included learning Coretta Scott King was a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated (AKA) and Zora Neale Hurston a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Incorporated (ZPB) . Nowhere in my introduction was there a catty April, queen of neck rolls Priyanka, wannabe Kenya Moore Adrene, nor……the rest of the Felicia’s. Furthermore, I am deeply apologetic to anyone whose introductions to the organizations of the Divine Nine are these women. 

I am here to report that as an alumni member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Incorporated, I do not plot on how to break the AKA’s fax machine at my job, and I’m pretty sure she’s not plotting to ruin mine either. I work; I speak to my line sisters on a daily basis about life and our chapter and I do community service. I mentor my neos and yes, we do bicker about how we can make more innovative event ideas and who’s supporting whose chapter at an event. Yeah I know- not much of a reality show there.

Are there petty and vapid members of Black Greek Lettered Organizations like the ones you may have saw last night? You bet your bottom dollar. Small-minded people are unfortunately sprinkled in even the most highly esteemed groups in society- however it becomes an issue when the small minority becomes the resounding voice for a complex multi-faceted majority.  

There will never be an entertaining, informative, well-rounded reality show depicting Divine Nine sororities because reality television and the Divine Nine repel each other like water to oil. There can be no public reality television where there is secrecy- our sacred inner workings and long standing traditions are cloaked in discretion. Luckily, VH1’s show Sorority Sisters will not be giving anyone an accurate view into this aspect either.

My fellow ladies of the Divine Nine need not worry- I predict the show’s early death due to terrible acting and a played-out storyline. In the meantime it is up to members nationwide to continue to uphold their respective organizations and display the true meaning of our ideals. My International Grand Basileus Mary Breaux Wright had the right idea. She wasn’t fretting over VH1’s Sorority Sisters show last night-she was too busy giving a speech in Ferguson.

I rest my case.

Members of the Divine Nine sororities posing for a photo after earning their Masters of Occupational Therapy degree at Tuskegee University.

Please don’t look any further for another Alexandria Tribble Sorority Sister’s review. She wants to keep the brain cells she has left. Tweet her (@ Y_iOuwta)